Counting Down To Post Number 200

The post after this will be post number 200. I suppose that's not a lot of posts given that this blog began in January 2005. But I guess when I reach each 100, I marvel at how I have kept this thing going through times when I really thought of stopping.

My blog was just meant to be a diary of sorts. No major discussions or anything like that, just the story of my life, subject to my editorial prerogatives. I think I've mostly managed to stick to this aim, and I really hope I will be able to continue to chronicle my life, and add other dimensions to it more regularly.

At BSF leaders' training, I was asked to answer a question on how I felt imprisoned in my present life. I had no answer written down, and I admitted as much, saying, "I have no written answer for this question, because I've never felt so free!" And it's true, I have never felt quite so free before, though that might change when I start work. But for now, I cannot help but wonder what challenges are coming my way. Sitting there in the meeting, I think I was more or less in the right seat though initially I was thinking of sitting somewhere else until the TL beckoned me to sit next to him.

Sometimes you think you want to find something out about a person, and you google the person's name. Then when you do, you think that you might have been better off knowing what it was you found out. On top of that, you can't find out what you really wanted to find out. You know other ways that you could employ but somehow they don't seem right. Oh well. I guess I'll find a way to ask what it is I want to know.

I try not to be emotional in my blog posts, but of course I can't avoid doing that because I am an emotional being just like any other person. Sometimes we fail to realise this or we don't take it into account in our relationships with others. Sometimes this makes our relationships with people who are close to us become rather complicated.

Given that most of the close friendships I have are with people in church, it's hard to watch friends become more distant and it's hard to see misunderstandings mushroom out of control. Back when I was an intern in the church, I was given a book to read - The Emotionally Healthy Church. It's about how various Christians came to terms with difficulties in church relationships by observing certain emotional principles. I've lent the book to a friend and I hope it is helping him/her. When I get it back I will say more about it.

Listening to a song now which I haven't heard in a long time. I dug it out from a CD I haven't listened to for a while. It's "I Want You" by Bon Jovi. I wouldn't call it a typical Bon Jovi song but I think it's a really nice song. Here are the lyrics:

I suppose it's quite an emo song, but I've always liked it though I hope I never sing it for real. :)

I Want You - Bon Jovi

The last time that I saw her, was the night she said goodbye;

She said that love's a stranger, and it's sure to pass you by.

As she packed up her belongings, baby wouldn't look me in the eye;

But I could a tear rolling off her face, as we both tried so hard not to cry, she said:

*I never wanted the stars, never shot for the moon,

I like them right where they are, all I wanted was you,

So baby just turn away, cos I can't face the truth,

All I'm trying to say, is all I wanted was you.

I tried so hard to remember, when, where, how, why love went away;

I tried to drown myself in pity, but your memory kept calling our names.

I bought you fancy cars and diamond rings, all the things that my money brings,

And the servants to paint the skies blue;

And I worked so hard, seven days a week, built a fortress for your heart to keep,

If I could I'd wrap these words up for you:*

I want you, I want you, baby I want you!

But never thought you were alone, filled a party up with company,

But never made our house a home!

All I've got is my guitar, these chords and the truth,

All I've got is my guitar, but all I want, baby all I want:*

I want you, I want you, baby I want you!

I want you, I want you, baby I want you!

(repeat to fade)