I consider myself very blessed to have quite a few close friends. However, my close friends don't necessarily get along, and I find myself caught in the middle. Even though I relish the chance to try to help them be friends, I don't always succeed and it's a real drain emotionally.
The other day, I was asked by one close friend, "How do you know (another close friend) really thinks of you as a close friend?" I was momentarily stunned and lost for words. If you have come to consider someone as a close friend, you don't usually wonder if they think well of you. Anyway, I realised that it's always good to make sure that your close friends are really your close friends. How do you do that? Well, if you've always had good relations with a person and if you and that person have been able to be there for each other in good and bad situations, you can be pretty sure that person is a friend. However, if you have a close friend and you haven't had too much contact with that person in the recent past or if any encouragement has been mostly one way, you'd better check. How do you check? Well, I simply asked.
I'm glad I asked because my friendship with that person was affirmed by both of us. You can never be too sure.
Friendship gets really complicated because people are so different. I find myself having to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone who seems to be my friend. It's something I like to do and even if I'm wrong, I can say that I tried. Sometimes friends may cause us pain and trouble, but if our friendship with them is for real, we should try to endure the pain for as long as we can.
If you are my friend, I hope I've been a good friend to you. I'm sorry if I haven't been there for you recently and if I haven't managed to live up to what you have expected of me.
3 comments:
yeps. this post makes a lot of sense. its on difficult times like these when you see who decideds to stick with you and is your true friend.
It's strange and yet a norm, that people would assume that just because you treat someone a particular way, the other would reciprocate in the same way. However, reality is not always so simple. People you treat as good friends need not necessarily treat you as one. It's a hard knock to realise that, but it forces you to grow up and see reality as it really is. Not everything in this world happens the way you want or expect it to. It was a good chance for me to reflect on one particular friendship, and upon doing so, i realised that it was always a one-way street. I was the one initiating meetings, settling misunderstandings etc. Even encouragement and praises were one-directional. It was a good wakeup call. A 'friendship' like that is not worth defending. In fact, there's nothing to defend! Thanks to a friend's advice, i've come to realise that perhaps i was never treated as a friend right from the beginning. And if a person doesn't like you, no matter what you do, he/she will never like you. So, i guess i've reconciled myself with that fact and i'm going to move on. There's nothing to be sad about anymore. Thanks for being a true friend =)
>>flamin fire: When you find out who sticks by you in times of trouble, you could get a welcome or a rude surprise. Still, it's always good to know who your real friends are even if it takes trouble in your life to find out.
>>j: I know you put in a lot of effort which wasn't reciprocated, and I know you have chosen to move on. Somehow I believe that one day you will revisit this issue and that you will choose differently. Still, this might be the best thing for you right now, though it hurts me somewhat. Thanks to you too for being my true friend and someone I know I can trust and rely on. :)
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